While traveling through hard rains and intense heat, I only stopped to rest when it was necessary for the horse. I barely dreamed and that was how I knew that my spirit was dead. I didn’t want to think about the past or the future, but every so often, the most unexpected sights or scents would awaken a painful memory of someone I lost.  

I did not want to imagine what happened to souls such as myself when we crossed over to the afterlife. It was foolish to believe that God would grant me any form of mercy after all the lives that I took.  

Boys too young to die would be waiting for me in hell. Max would be there, too. I would never escape from my mistakes, but I hoped that the worse monsters would be placed in their own area of eternal punishment. Still, anything was better than allowing Max to roam free and pull more people down with him. Becky would get her justice. I would get a final reason to grin before planting a bullet in my own head.  

The weeks blended together and I lost my way a few times. I lost count of the amount of times I had to circle back.  

When I caught sight of the Town of Sallysford sign down the road, my grief resurfaced and I wept. 

Deciding to wait until dawn before facing the town and Max, I curled up in a thicket and fell asleep before the sun set. My ravaged, exhausted mind allowed me to fall asleep easily.  

I awoke to a slate grey sky and howling winds. Cool mist had dampened my clothes. Ice crackled on the trees and I shuddered. In the near future, I’d forget what cold felt like as hellfire engulfed me.  

I started a fire, washed up quickly in the cold water of the nearby brook, brushed out my hair, and put on a clean set of clothes. I was determined to look my best for my last day on earth. I hoped to strike Max’s fancy and taunt him with something that he could never have. I would make sure that he never touched me again.  

I traced my fingers along the smooth wood of my new rifle. The motions of loading it energized me.  

Though nervousness prevented me from being able to eat my breakfast, I felt strangely at ease as I rode for Sallysford.  

I sat up straight as I rode into the town. I took a deep breath and focused on the saloon building ahead. There was nothing left of the degrading place. I patiently rode past the house of sin and left the quarter horse at the stables.  

On the street, everyone seemed to have business to attend to and paid me little mind. I stood in the middle of the road never feeling more alone. I expected to feel powerful, but life had a way of gifting me with unpleasant surprises.  

As I stood on the first step leading up the saloon, I wished that I could go back in time and tell myself not to go in there. I remembered how kind and inviting Max seemed when he asked me to come inside with him the first day we met.  

I choked back a sob. Gripping my loaded rifle, I stepped inside of the dark lair. Smoke, rank sweat, and spilled beer assaulted my nostrils. I fought the urge to gag.  

Only one man sat at the bar. It was before noon, but Max would have been awake hours ago. I wondered if he might appear to me from the shadows, just as he had the first day I laid eyes on him.  

I strode around in the quiet place and then met the gaze of the drinking man at the bar. I cleared my throat as unease made my hands shake. 

“Have you seen Max today, Sir?” I asked. 

“Max?” spat the man. “You kiddin’ me, girl?” 

“What do you mean?” 

I had half a mind to shoot the imbecile down from the barstool as he gawked at me. 

“Max hasn’t worked here in two years. He’s long gone outta this dyin’ town.” 

My jaw dropped open. The coward ran off. After all I had been through to get there, nearly losing my life and being the cause for the deaths of others. I was ready to die after traveling so far.  

“Everythin’ all right, Miss?” asked the man.  

“No! Do you have any idea where he lives now?” 

The man’s eyes widened as he raised his palms to face me.  

“Lady, I don’t keep tabs on the man, but last I heard he was off to start a new place in Kansas.” 

He stared at my rifle as I toyed with the trigger.  

“Any idea where in Kansas?” I asked.  

I could have cried out from exasperation as the man stared at me.  

“Dodge City,” said a feminine voice from the entrance of the saloon. 

I spun around to face a lady with auburn hair and a scar that ran from the middle of her cheek down to her chin. She was pretty despite the imperfection. I had never seen her before, but it seemed that the saloon life worsened after I left. She was yet another person who suffered because of Max’s sick business.  

“Good day to you,” I said with a nod. “Are you certain that Max went to Dodge City?” 

“Yes. Business was so… poor here after a few murders happened and he heard about the sensational big city in Kansas. Left me here for dead, he did.” 

I bit my lip. What a bastard.  

“You’re better off without him. He’s a devil.” 

The lady shrugged.  

“Don’t know ’bout that. At least I ate well when I worked for ‘im.” 

“Here,” I said, handing her over two silver coins. “Take these.” 

Her eyes widened.  

“You sure about that?” she asked. 

“You have helped me tremendously by telling me where he is. Besides, nobody helps anyone in this place. It’s time we change that.” 

“What’s that there?” called the man. 

“Nothin’ of importance,” called the lady. 

She leaned in close to me.  

“Damn drunkards.” 

“You’re sure he’s in Dodge City?”  

“Yes, but why ya lookin’ for him?” 

“I’m gonna kill him.” 

She raised an eyebrow as she looked me up and down.  

“You’ll what?” 

I shrugged.  

“Kill him.” 

I took one last look around the place and then stepped back outside. I breathed in the clean air like it was life itself and looked over my shoulder at the lady.  

“He’ll be dead soon.” 

Her soft blue eyes settled some of my anger as she crossed her arms.  

“Things usually don’t happen the same way twice, my dear. Be careful.”  

“Clearly.” 

She shook her head with an empathetic smile.  

“You should forget about him and try to live your life. He ain’t worth the trouble, nor the travel.” 

“He murdered my baby sister and my friend. My only purpose is to see that he dies.” 

“Oh, honey,” she sighed.  

I left her standing there at the saloon entrance. I hoped she would spend the coins wisely.  

There was one more place that I needed to visit before I left my hometown behind forever. I had to go see a house on the hill where a family of four once lived together in peace.  

I travelled toward my childhood home, realizing the true purpose of my journey.   

I dismounted and stood at the top of the rise, overlooking the empty space where my cherished home once stood. Even the barn and shed were burned to the ground.  

I clutched my stomach as regret filled me, making it feel like I was going to explode. My screams filled the air until my vocal chords burned.  

A childlike laugh echoed in my distant memory, infecting the silence. Her memory tortured me until I collapsed beneath a beloved weeping willow. I stared up at its draping branches and wished that they would reach down and strangle me to death.  

I fled that saloon four years ago with little sleep, hell bent on getting as far away from the place as possible, leaving Becky to the mercy of Max’s cruelty. It was only fitting that she haunted me there, beneath the tree where we once laughed and read stories. Lying on my side, I stared out at the barren fields where my family’s crops once flourished. It had been the dream of my parents to expand the farm and keep it in the family.  

I sat up in a stupor, recalling every possible memory about my family. The silver crescent of a moon shone little light and made the road an unforgiving place. The night’s chilling air pricked at my consciousness again. The bodies of Becky and Samantha lay buried somewhere in the frozen ground, with no grave marking their final resting places. They would forever live in peace as their gentle spirits deserved, oblivious to the darkness that would surround me for the rest of eternity.  

At the thought of the death that was waiting for me, I trembled. I stood and ran to my horse, hugging his strong neck, but he pushed away, snorting in annoyance. 

“I want Angel!” I cried.  

The horse reared, nearly hitting me with one of his front hooves. I was so very alone.  

I took a deep breath in a vain attempt to gain a morsel of my sanity back. I stepped over to the ruins and stood on a wood beam that hadn’t fully burned. Years ago, Papa held it in his hands as he built the house for my Mama when they were young. Time had no thought for love and youthful dreams. Their last living child would also vanish from the known world, never to be remembered.  

The books that my mother used to read to me as a child caused me to long for an adventurous life far away from home, but all that I wanted was my family back. If only I could have seen the terrible punishment that running away would bring. It would have stopped me from leaving. I would have stayed and fought for Becky.  

“Come back!” I cried, reaching for the sky. “Please, come back… to me. Please.” 

I paced around the property like a ghost pining for the life that she would never get back.   

“Good-bye, my family,” I whispered. 

As the words left my mouth, I closed my eyes and thought back to a time when I was a little girl when both of my parents were still alive. For one moment, we all sat together again at the big table in our warm dining room. Becky sat across from me, telling us a hilarious story. Both Mama and Papa smiled at her before casting their gazes upon me.  

I reached for Mama’s hand, but they all faded into the inky darkness as quickly as they appeared.

… to be continued  

“And I don’t know what’s happened to me

I guess the devil’s back.”

-The Pretty Reckless

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