“The greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.” A saying like this is probably said by someone whose love language is quality time spent. It’s me. I said it. 😝
Okay, so this might sound cringe to some of you, but I recently took the 5 Love Languages Quiz out of curiosity to see if mine has changed since the last time I took it (Knowing that it probably did). My love language has definitely changed since the last time I took the quiz. When I first took the quiz years ago, I was in a long term committed relationship and a friend suggested I read the book and take the quiz. My top love language at the time was words of affirmation and the second was giving gifts. I remember how important the right words were to me at that time (and they are still, but I think they matter less now after hearing so many pickup lines and compliments from total strangers). Someone could think you’re the cutest, sexiest, coolest, nicest, or prettiest person but still not love you. They could think you’re a talented writer, but hate talking to you in person. Maybe when we’re younger those flattering words excite us more, but as you go through life and experience different relationships you realize actions matter a whole lot more than words ever will (Nice as they are).
Compliments and kind words do still rock my world though, especially when they’re sincere. We all need to hear them regardless of our love language.
In any case, my first love language is now quality time spent and my second is acts of service. Gifts is now in last place followed by words of affirmation. What a change!
I see time spent as being a gift (and objectively, it really is the best gift you can give someone as you could easily spend that time somewhere else or with someone else). When someone gives you their undivided attention and time, it means they value you as a person in a world of distractions. You can go on the wildest adventure or have a cozy night in together. Time spent with someone is when the magic really happens.
The irony is I’m so introverted, but my love language does make sense. When I’m with the right person they don’t affect my social battery like a group of people would. It’s not about the amount of time I spend with someone, but the quality of the time. I also think acts of service is my second love language because I’ve learned how much weight actions have. When someone helps you with a task or does something special just for you (Making a nice dinner, booking a vacation for just the two of you, goes with you to swim at the beach, gives you a back rub if you’re tense, etc.) it can make someone feel amazing and cared for.
I think it’s important to be in tune with your own love language when you’re dating or in a relationship as well as knowing what your significant other’s is. If one doesn’t take the time to know how to make another happy, you’ll end up loving them the way you want to be loved (Which will usually backfire because you won’t be giving them what they need). I’ve noticed a lot of people posting about gift giving on WordPress lately and how important it is to them that a gift isn’t given with strings attached and that the gift is received with undying appreciation and gratitude. Those people likely have giving gifts as their love language and they would like to be given gifts to feel loved. For them time spent together wouldn’t be enough – they want someone to give them something really meaningful or thoughtful (and to give others the same). The act of giving and receiving makes them happy.
Now imagine someone who values quality time is paired with someone who values gift giving. The person whose love language is quality time will think that giving their time and attention to their date will be enough, while the gift giver might give their date nice things and pay for the dates but neglects giving them any real commitment. This is probably why so many people break up – these misunderstandings can be huge for people when they’re not being treated how they need to be treated (and sadly most people don’t communicate how they want to be loved and expect the other person to just know how to act). The person who values quality time will feel very hurt over broken commitments while the one who values gift giving will feel hurt if their gifts aren’t appreciated enough. It can be tough in the first stages of dating for this reason.
Of course, love language is only a piece of the puzzle. You also need mutual respect, kindness, commitment, and similar values/goals for a relationship to thrive. Oh, and chemistry! If there’s no sparks, that relationship won’t even start in the first place.
I find all of this love language stuff to be very interesting as a single person (and I’m not currently looking just an FYI). However, when I’m ready to step into dating again I’m glad to know what my needs are now (I sort of knew this before I took the quiz, but it helps to solidify what exactly I need) and to keep in mind that what I need to feel loved may not be the same for someone else. Communication is key in any relationship – even non-romantic ones. For the time being, I’ve been spending a lot of beautiful quality time by myself. If anyone is currently single, I highly suggest dating yourself for a time. Sometimes we keep jumping from one date to another and it isn’t healthy. If you can’t be happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else either. Dating yourself can do wonders for the soul and sometimes it’s nice to take a step away from the world of dating and just breathe, enjoy nature, and be one with yourself before giving attention to someone else again. ❤
Whether you’re single or coupled up, it’s important to know what your love language is. Sometimes we have an idea about what we need, but it’s helpful to have a term for it so we know what to ask for. If you’ve never taken the quiz, you can check it out here. Enjoy!
Until next time, thanks so much for reading! 🙂 Take care ❤