Introduction

A few years ago I took a narcissistic personality test for entertainment purposes since there were rumours going around Twitter that all writers were narcissists. It was mainly to show how silly that assumption was. I failed (not being on the spectrum), but it was interesting to see where I scored. Granted, NPD is no joke and is a serious mood disorder if someone were to actually have it. So is borderline personality disorder.

It’s been hinted a few times in the past (recent and distant) that I might have BPD. I might have had a mild form of it about ten years ago when I first set out on my own. This was years before I took CBT and got my mental health straightened around. I would like to take this screener to see where I stand on the BPD spectrum. I’m putting myself on the line not just for entertainment, but to help break the stigma of mood disorders and mental health in general. If I do happen to score high in BPD, it’s a sign that therapy is needed and I’ll be open with my results here.

I’m writing this in real time, so I don’t yet know what I will score. It could be really high for all I know.

I realize this is putting myself on the line for literally anyone to see, but I want this to be a safe space for people with any type of mood disorder to talk about their experiences. If you think you could be suffering, please be open and curious about therapies, treatments, and better ways to cope with life. We shouldn’t fear diagnoses. There’s almost always a cure and even if there isn’t, there are ways you can treat any form of mood disorder or mental illness.

My Predictions Of What I Will Score

I believe that I don’t have BPD. While it could seem that way to someone who knows enough about mood disorders to pin some of the symptoms on me, it takes more than a couple of traits to make a full disorder. While I can relate to hypersensitivity to certain emotions, I can’t relate to feelings of rage nor do I relate to not having an identity. I’ve always been fairly slow to anger and things get to me less than they used to. I’m more likely to feel disappointed than angry.

About ten years ago, I was pretty rejection sensitive and even more recently, I’ve taken things hard if a love bomber suddenly pulled away from me, but that’s probably normal under the circumstances. However, the results may surprise me. You always need to keep in mind that screeners are about how you’re feeling *now* not in the past and not how you hope to feel in the future.

The BPD Screening Test

Have you had an overwhelming sense of emptiness or feeling hollow? No. A little drained some days, but not empty.

Have you intentionally harmed or hurt yourself or attempted suicide? No not for many years.

Have you been angry or irritable much of the time, or responded angrily to those close to you? No.

Have you ever felt detached from reality, like things are imaginary? No I can differentiate between fantasy and reality.

Have you found that you mistrust those around you? I’ve recently been in a few situations where I didn’t really trust the people around me. Yes!

Have you suffered from extreme mood swings? A week after my period begins, I tend to go from a lower energy mood to a higher energy mood. Depending on who I’m around, my mood can vary quite a bit too. Yes.

Have you engaged in two or more impulsive behaviours such as sudden emotional outbursts, binge drinking, gambling, or compulsive eating? No.

Have you often felt that you lack a clear identity or you just aren’t sure who you are inside? In general, no, but I recently moved from the west coast and have ended my writing journey, so I’m in a great season of change. Sometimes I don’t feel like myself and I feel like I’m making some huge changes that could shape me into a totally new person. I might have to go with yes on this one. Yes.

Have you made frantic attempts to evade feelings of abandonment (for example, repeat calls to a friend or partner to make sure they still care)? I used to do this, but I haven’t done that for quite some time. No.

Have your relationships with those nearest to you been damaged by quarrels or frequent breakups? My family relationships have been stable pretty much all of my life, but the romantic ones have been rocky despite my best efforts. I’ll go with yes since romantic relationships are very important. Yes.

My Score: 4/10 (Low risk)

It looks like I don’t have the disorder even though I demonstrate a couple of the traits. That’s the thing with any mental health condition: You could have a few of the symptoms without actually having the disorder. No one is perfect and we probably share a few symptoms with several mood disorders. Even if you don’t have a disorder, it doesn’t mean those few traits don’t affect your life. You can still get counseling in those areas that need improvement, especially the things that can affect relationships. Someone who thinks I have BPD might be surprised or even disappointed that they were wrong. At the end of the day, only we know how we’re feeling inside and how things affect us.

Where I Took The Quiz: I took it at Mind Diagnostics. Please keep in mind that your score on the screener isn’t meant to be a diagnosis. You should speak with a doctor or therapist if you score high on this test or if any of these symptoms cause you distress.

My Final Thoughts: If you have BPD or likely have it, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are not crazy or bad and you can receive help from a therapist. Because people with BPD tend to have accountability, they are more likely to seek help than a sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist. I may have had a full diagnosis in my younger years, but since then I’ve taken therapy and have done a lot of self-care so my moods and behaviour have become much more balanced. A therapist can help you work through your identity, anger flare ups, fear of rejection, and other aspects of BPD.

Thank you so much for checking out my blog post today! I hope you found it helpful. ❤