What Is Love Bombing?

You have likely heard the term “love bombing” if you’ve been on the Internet over the last couple of years. Love bombing is a tactic that is intended to hook the target and make them attached to the instigator as soon as possible. The reasons for this could be various – they may be looking for an ego boost, a close friendship, to gain cult followers, to get sex, or start a codependent relationship. Regardless of the manipulator’s goals, one thing they will have in common with other manipulators is that they use love bombing to attach themselves to a new person.

What Are Some Examples Of Love Bombing?

I’ll list a few common examples of love bombing. If you’re single and dating (Especially as a woman), you’ve probably heard these lines before.

“I’m always free to see you/I want to be with you all the time.” Many people fall for this, because it feels good to know someone new and special wants to see us all the time. However, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Seeing a date every single day isn’t sustainable for the long term, because eventually other obligations or engagements will happen. It takes time to get to know someone and you don’t want to spoil that process by spending too much time together. When things happen too quickly they can lose their spark. Usually, this need to see someone all the time isn’t about love, but a need for attention. Don’t fall for this tactic.

“I’ve never met anyone like you.” While it’s nice to hear praise like this, it’s a little over the top to say this to someone you’ve just met. This could be sincere after knowing someone for several years and seeing who they really are, but it’s insincere to bestow such a compliment on someone who’s basically a stranger. It feels fake, because it is.

“All my exes are crazy.” How interesting. Could there be a common denominator here?

“But you’re so beautiful. It’s so hard for me to stop.” Yes, you are beautiful, but no, they’re not a monster. They can humanly force themselves to stop. If someone has so little respect for your personal boundaries, there’s no limit to what they could do.

They text all the time. I know most of us are on phones a little too often, but that doesn’t mean we need to be available to answer calls/texts/messages all day and evening. We need space and time to do things we need to do outside of our relationships. If someone can’t allow you to go a few hours without texting them back, that’s a huge red flag. If you’ve just met them, this is a warning sign of how controlling they will be in the future.

“I want to have kids with you/when we have kids.” It’s totally normal for most people to want to have kids with the right person at the right time. However, if someone you just met is already planning out your marriage, house, kids, dogs, etc. together, that’s a worrisome sign. In many cases, they’re hoping to get something out of you quickly before bailing. In other cases, they might actually be looking for a long term partner that they can control. You can’t really know anyone after just a few dates, so it’s best to proceed with caution if someone mentions kids or marriage early on.

What Is The Difference Between Love Bombing & Getting To Know One Another Normally?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between new relationships that take off really well and those that are starting off on a toxic note. The main difference between a healthy new relationship and a bad one is how you personally feel about the situation. If you feel relaxed, happy, cared for, and still have space to fulfill your obligations outside of the relationship, things are probably good. With love bombing, you will probably feel something is off, despite how nice their attention is. You’ll find yourself becoming attached by the third date and you’ll start relying on their constant attention and praise. Then you have less time to do the things you love outside of the relationship, because they are taking up all of your time. This is a dangerous place to be in.

Someone who has good intentions toward you wouldn’t want to push boundaries or promise too much too soon. Love bombers will always overpromise and underdeliver. If you feel that things are moving too fast, please let the person know. Their reaction to your boundaries will tell you everything you need to know about them.

How To End An Abusive Relationship With A Love Bomber

Whether you’re three dates in or thirty years in, you want to make sure you safely remove yourself from a toxic relationship. If you are financially dependent on the manipulator or there are other barriers to leaving, it is best to seek the help of a therapist. They can guide you toward the safest steps to make an exit. If you are only starting to see someone who’s love bombing you and starting to show their ugly side, you can choose a public and safe location to tell them you’d like to take a step back. They may lash out (Especially if they haven’t got what they wanted yet) or they might detach coldly (the best outcome). There also are rare cases where someone is genuinely unaware of their behaviour and they are willing to take a step back in order to make things work with you. From there, you can further distance yourself if they continue to use manipulation and/or other forms of abuse.

A Thing To Remember About Love Bombers

As charming as they may be, a love bomber ultimately does not care about you. It can be hard to wrap your head around this until you understand that their need for a quick attachment says more about their need for a source than their interest in you.

Once they get what they want, they’ll be done with the person whom they made all those promises and heartfelt professions to. This is why you need to be aware of love bombing so you can protect yourself from its effects. If you fall prey to their charms, you will either be discarded when they find a new source or the abuse will start and last for years.

Thank you so much for reading today! ❤