It’s probably a knee-jerk reaction for many people to feel bad when someone says they’re about to quit something they used to love, end a relationship, or change careers. I wonder if some of that comes from a deep-seeded belief that everything needs to last until we die. Everlasting love is an amazing concept as is doing what you love for the rest of your life once you find that *thing* you love doing.
But what happens if things change? A writer has written all they wanted to write and now they want to try something else. A relationship that began in love has fallen stagnant as two people grew apart. A bright student with the brains to become a doctor has realized they don’t want to study medicine and wants to travel the world for two years.
When we feel bad for someone who wants to make a big change, we’re really just feeling bad for our own perception of what’s happening. We’re not the ones living their life. On the outside, a relationship can seem almost perfect, but for the two people involved it’s becoming like hell. Maybe that writer was improving with each new book and they seemed to stop before their career even took off. The thing is: You can be good at something and enjoy it for awhile, but the time might come where you no longer enjoy it or want to try something new.
Change is a wonderful thing. We have one life, so if something that was once enjoyable and made us feel alive no longer works then it’s okay to let it go and try something else. A highly creative person might want to try several art forms so they don’t miss out on all there is to offer. A wanderer might live in several different cities during their lifetime. Someone who doesn’t want to die miserable will realize when it’s time to end a relationship after trying to make it work for years. It’s okay to start a new chapter. It might be difficult and scary for the person to venture into new territory at first, but they should be commended for being brave enough to try something new. Don’t fear change. Of course, some things are meant to last and when they do, it’s wonderful. Other things are meant to shift and change, and that’s equally wonderful.
Don’t feel bad for someone who wants to end something that was once good for them. Feel bad for those who want to make a change, but never do because they’re afraid of what would happen.
Thank you so much for reading today. ❤
That’s some very good points. Sometimes things that you normally enjoy are no longer fulfilling and you have to ask yourself; is it worth it? Others may not understand but it is better to make the change.
Aw thanks for your kind comment. 😊
I’m glad you understand. Change can be good if you’re ready for it.
This is a great point of view. Change can be a good thing, especially when you want to discover what you truly enjoy/ want what’s best for you. Your last sentences- whew powerful truth. 🔥
That’s very true. 😊
Also thanks so much for your kind words. ❤️
I think it’s often a case of feeling sad that something which used to be good is no more.
I don’t see the reason for feeling sad if it once made them/you happy and now there’s room for another thing to take its place.
There may not be a particular reason, I think it’s just how people often feel once something has gone.
Yes understandable. My post is saying why you don’t need to pity people for being happy. It’s their life, not yours.
Life is like a pond. If the water doesn’t change it becomes stagnant. Even a slight change keeps the water healthy and a wholesale change can give new life to the ecosystem.
Yes that’s a great analogy. We had a small fish pond when I was growing up so I know what you’re referring to, too. LOL
Change can do a world of good sometimes.
[…] Sara Flower Kjeldsen’s blog, “Don’t pity someone who wants to make a change.“ […]
I’ve had some serious conversations with myself – the mainstream novel trilogy I’ve spent 22+ years on so far is just starting into Book 3 – about whether I can ever afford to spend that much time on something again.
On one hand, a fair amount of that time was spent learning how to write the way I wanted to write – so it seems sad to waste that if I don’t write more. On the other, I’m hoping to make it through to the end of this one in fewer than five years, and I don’t know if I have what it takes to write shorter stories. Or if I will even be ABLE to – this stuff takes serious concentration, and I’m not getting any younger.
Finishing will help – I can barely see that stage. But I also wonder what it means to produce only one major work.
Hey thank you so much for your comment. I think it’s really cool how you have put so much work into learning how to write in a way you wanted to. It sounds like you really wanted to master the craft before you finished a book.
Also, I think if you create one great work it’s just as valuable if not moreso than a whole bunch of works that you didn’t really enjoy as much. I’m sure you’ll finish it and it will feel like such an accomplishment when you do!
I’m acting as if it will – all internal trepidation aside. Thanks for the encouragement.
Reading a lot gives you high standards – writing to those same standards is much harder than you realize (or maybe you’d never start).
Every little thing your favorite authors do they had to learn.
I don’t MIND the work at all, but illness gives me little time and energy that has to go a long way. I don’t resent it so much as have to abide by its limitations.
Like the nap I have to take right now: it will restore me somewhat – but will also take up time another writer might have used to WRITE.
OTOH, some neat pieces come when I’m awake that I can only believe were worked on as I slept. I’ll take them.
Funny you should mention that – I’ve done heaps of reading and my favourite authors are indie authors. I believe in many ways they are better than traditional books. They seem to flow better and have an edge many trad. books don’t have. I would think after publishing 17 books that they have reached some standards. I suppose one would have to actually read a few to know. 🙂
So very true😊
Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
Change is definitely something that people need to reframe their perspective on. Most changes are actually more beneficial than harmful!
That’s true. 🙂